Tama’s quote wasn’t written for moms of out-of-control teens, but it’s awfully fitting.
When your teenager is doing scary things, it’s natural to go into control mode.
💧 To relieve your fear that your child will do something that will affect the rest of their life.
💧 To protect yourself.
💧 To feel like you’re not going to lose your child.
But being too controlling can backfire. It can drive your teen further away, driving a bigger wedge between you.
Letting go of trying to control the situation doesn’t mean that you give up on boundaries and consequences. These are important — and your teenager actually needs and wants them, no matter what they say.
Remember, they don’t really know why they act the way they do. They don’t realize that their amygdala (the emotional center of the brain) is all grown up while the prefrontal cortex (the good-decision making center) is still far from being fully formed.
They just know that they’re full of emotions they don’t know how to handle. They have pressures from school and peers like they’ve never experienced before. And their bodies that are doing all kinds of strange things.
“Staying in love” with them during this time can be tough. They really know how to push your buttons — until you go right over the edge.
You may not be able to do it all of the time, but it can help you “stay in love” by remembering who they are (your beloved child) and that they are real people with their own feelings, beliefs, fears, triggers and desires (not just your child).
It can also help if you clear your own triggers, expectations and beliefs that hijack you when you’re dealing with your teen.
In fact, this is my #1 recommendation! It can change everything between you and teen.
If you would want to know how to do it, download my bestseller Surviving the High School Years with Your Sanity Intact at www.survivingyouroutofcontrolteen.com.